Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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