We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
