Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What a dumb baby whore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
