I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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