Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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