he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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