I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
