So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
