and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
