Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
