he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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