I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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