mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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