I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
