Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
