I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
