You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
