there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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