After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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