Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
