Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize