the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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