I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
