that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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