I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hippo gnu deer
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
