My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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