I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
