Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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