Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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