I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
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