How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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