I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
