My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
