oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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