Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You're like the curious george of whores
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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