If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
