I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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