Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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