Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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