they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
