sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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