weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
