Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
