He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize