so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
