Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
