Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
