Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
