Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
