im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
