her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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