your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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