My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
