I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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