i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
