i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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