are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drake has all the answers
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
