i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
