New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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