she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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