i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
