Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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