he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
