those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
