apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize